Dealing with Children

The difficulties that can often go along with dealing with children must play havoc on most (if not all) parents. Children can be tough to deal with, but if people can understand and apply some basics they will have a much easier time of it, and find it is possible to have successful relationships with kids.

Basic Rule #1: Children are having a rougher time of it than adults. Do you remember what it was like to grow up? It's a tough job, especially when one is very young. Couple that with the "normal" family difficulties such as marital problems, divorce, etc., and you may well have a "problem" child. It's just a kid who is carrying not only the weight of his/her own difficulties, but also is feeling the weight and taking responsibility for the problems in their household. This is an important idea to grasp.

Basic Rule #2: Children are people. Of course they are!! This may even seem like a silly thing to say, but I believe that it's often overlooked. I've observed some parents treat their children with a lack of respect that I think even the dog would find offensive. My advice to parents is this - when you're frustrated and at your "wits end" - before yelling at a child, or "talking down" to him/her take a look at this: "Would I talk to my friend or neighbor this way?" Or, "How would I handle this situation if I was dealing with someone else?" I believe that children deserve the same level of respect as adults.

Basic Rule #3: Simple solutions work better. Okay, here I am getting a bit into talking about how the "experts" handle children - the most extensive section of the page but well worth reading.

Do you realize how many "disorders" are listed by the APA for people - many for children? I don't remember the exact statistic but approximately a year ago I believe it was a few hundred. (I'll find this out and post it here as soon as I do.**Okay, I looked it up - it's over 300.**) OK, let's say a child is having difficulty studying - there is actually a "disorder" listed for that. Talking back to parents? (What kid doesn't at least at some point?) Yep, there's a "disorder" for that too. Whatever. Alright, so if we take this child and complicate the matter by giving the child drugs, do you think that handles anything? It sure adds a lot of complexity to the problem, that is for sure, and it doesn't help the child or cure anything.

Try this - get on the internet, on the phone, whatever and get these questions answered by an "expert": What evidence exists that there is such a thing as ADD or ADHD (or other "disorder")? What is it exactly? Is there any proof of it's actual existence? Is it physical? Mental? Emotional? What causes it? What is an exact description of the condition and why do drugs help? Is there any evidence of the drugs helping the condition? There have been a number of people who have posed these questions and tried very diligently to get them answered and you know what? They couldn't.

Here is a fact for you: There are NO scientific tests that prove the existence of ADD or ADHD. True statement. I recommend that you check out the real facts about this and other diagnosed "disorders" for yourself at the CCHR website:

• Click Here: CCHR/Citizens Commission on Human Rights
  

OK, now let's consider something else - what might actually be behind some of the behavior being categoried as a "disorder" - or perhaps simply troublesome behavior? Here are some ideas that can turn into simple solutions:

* Nutrition: Is a regular diet of good, wholesome food being given to the child? Processed foods are seriously lacking in nutrition and over time can make anyone feel lacking in energy and result in a feeling of poor well-being. It might be surprising to you how good nutrition, adequate water intake and high quality vitamins and minerals will improve well-being over time. Fact: The results of poor nutrition can result in what looks like a "disorder". It's a much simpler problem to handle because it actually has a real solution, and is often the real basic problem.

* Household problems: Are parents fighting in front of the kids? Is there some other problem in life that the child is dealing with? It's pretty often that a child is walking around with a "big weight on the shoulders" and doesn't communicate about it. Take a look at this: What types of behavioral effects might this create?

* Educational Difficulties: When children are having trouble learning - in school or otherwise, this is often easily handled - there are solutions to this that actually solve problems without complicating the matter with some false diagnosis or label. If you would like more information about this, contact me via this hub page - I'll be happy to provide you with the information.

* Fresh air and exercise: In my opinion video games and other indoor games and activites are fine, but it's important to balance it out with getting outside. Walks, playing catch, jogging, outdoor games - all of these can greatly improve well-being and physical health as well!

* Sleep: How many hours per night is the child sleeping? Have you noticed that small children get pretty darn grumpy and disorderly toward the middle of the day? I wish I had a nickel for the number of times I've seen a child with disruptive behavior who was tired and maybe hungry too and it was mistaken for the kid "just being bad". The combination of tired and hungry is practically lethal! My solution to this has been to notice when the little one is starting to show signs of fading and handling it before it gets out of hand with some good food and/or a nap. My own experience is that over 90% of the time this solves the unhappy, grumpy child and the disruptions that go along with that state.

Basic Rule #4: Good Communication Works Miracles. Good communication is a two-way activity. Adding good communication to any type of situation (including with children) will solve situations to a large degree. Listening to what a child is telling you, and answering the child's statements and questions can solve a huge number of problems. If you have the viewpoint that what a child has to say is important and can communicate with a child with that in mind, it creates a sense of dignity for the child that is a beautiful sight to behold.

Even if what's being said seems like nonsense to you, remember this: It might be very important to the little one, and if treated with due respect will greatly help a child's esteem to be communicated with in this way.

Final Note: If you are someone who is concerned about a child or children, if you have been stumped on how to handle difficult situations with a child - or if your child has been labeled with a "disorder", I would like to present you with this idea - try the solutions above. See if they work. I think it's likely that you will be pleasantly surprised with the outcome.

Success on dealing with children stems from real solutions that come from love, understanding and truth. Always has, always will.

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The information on this page comes from the heart, and most definitely NOT from the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, (Hack, cough, gag.)

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